Wrong Kind of Success

White Knuckling the Emptiness

As my Stomach Turns and As the World Tans are goofy takes on the old daytime soap opera, As the World Turns. The soap offerings have dwindled significantly since being replaced by the high profit, low budget production costs of reality shows.

Producers get more bang for their buck with the unscripted, yet curated reality shows, while viewers still get the vicarious adrenaline, fight or flight cortisol rush that provides a temporary feeling of having an exciting life. Viewing the scandalous, chaotic, vindictive behaviors of others as entertainment fills a void.

Gentle butterflies and beautiful rainbows would be boring compared to anxiety felt as butterflies in the stomach provoked by viewing inharmonious scenarios. Pharmaceutical companies would have no incentive to forfeit advertising money for commercials on that channel.

What does it say about me that I used to eagerly anticipate watching The Bachelor and the Bachelorette? I loathed myself during that phase, observing myself observing the cast as if they were zoo animals. At some indistinguishable time, I grew out of it.

Perhaps the need to feel superior to the desperate, aggressive, and sometimes psychopathic marriage candidates was appeased by getting a life. I’m almost certain that was a threshold, creating a life with a feeling of self-sovereignty.

Now, our nation is being run by a reality show producer. As we say in comedy, “You can’t make that shit up.” So, as the world continues to tan and more stomachs turn, we still get fed chaos, scandal, and vindictiveness in the media, a daytime drama horror show, and then some.

After recently fulfilling what feels like huge milestones, publishing my flagship book, followed by an out-of-state move, and taking on the caregiver role of my very healthy senior Mother, I hit that empty spot on the archetypal cycle of life, between harvest and tilling the soil.

Joseph Campbell nailed it, our cyclical, therefore repetitive formula for setting a goal, nurturing it, overcoming obstacles, and attaining it. Well, this is done if one is to prevent regret, and as a common side effect, blame.

I respect this precarious position of sacred emptiness after fulfillment and before the new planting. I’ve heard too many stories of the person pressured by family members to become a successful lawyer who had a nervous breakdown and faced scorn after choosing their heart’s call to open their own bakery, or the harassed employee fed up with working in hostile work environments who became motivated to become a lawyer who now advocates for such victims.

These personal choices brought an aligned, joy-driven, soulful success.

Organically, prudently, I’m studying what lights up the smile emoji in the cells of my body and will bring value to others, and in that respective order. It’s in serving from joy that brings meaning to my world.

Onto the Next Stage of Life of the Heroine’s Journey PHOTO: Lena Gardelli

I’m very well aware of the potential trap of social expectations. With each indicator of joy in my heart I plant another seed in the rich, fertile soil of creation that feels right, as I move on to the fresh, new cycle of the heroine’s journey.

I wish you all the courage in the world to move as your soul calls you to. Being fully you is life’s greatest challenge and greatest gift. Let the scorners eat your dust.